At times, I feel that my heart is pumping with leaps and bounds.

When I think of an idea, I can feel the adrenaline running. Flowing. Chasing the muse.

I am happy.

When I pick up the brush or pencil, I allow my mind to settle on the pedestal of tranquillity. A sublime terrain is reached.

I am doing what I have always talked about doing.

I get excited when I think about ideas.

I talk a lot about it.

I want to talk more about it.

I am happy.

But I am also afraid.

That someone or something might just take that happiness away.

Sometimes, the happiness is threatened.

Hanging out with certain people makes me happy.

I am myself then. I am at peace. I forget my sorrows. And the dark history is kept away. In a box.

Far from reach.

But it’s still there.

Always reminding me.

That what I am experiencing right now can be swept away with just a swift movement of an invisible arm.

But I am happy. I am here.

I would say I am feeling the most inspired and artistic part of my life.

Experiencing euphoria with certain music. Lots of certain music.

Experimental with different music. Riding on that high which only certain riffs on the guitar can take you.

Dancing like no tomorrow which certain combination beats.

Hearing the right song is like getting into the locked safe alas.

It’s like getting the right combination. Once you hit it, you reach nirvana. Bliss.

So I am happy.

Artistically.

Inspired.

Transformed

In a good place.

I don’t want to give up this phase of life for anything else. Unless it’s a plane ride to Europe.

I am passionate now. My heart is roaring with exhilaration.

If only there is a stethoscope that allows you to hear it.

I am happy.

I had an epiphany yesterday.

I knew at the back of my head that there was something different about the way my head talks to me.

Yes, my head talks back to me. Or rather, my conscience does.

But I would rather call it “My Head” for it appears to be more a form than just a medium.

It has been talking back to me in a rather different way.

When I view things now, parts of my head are having discussions amongst themselves.

It’s sometimes a Geneva Convention in there. Or a corporate meeting in there. Or a parent teacher meeting in there.

I am questioning things. I am analysing things. I am liking and disliking things.

I used to not like or dislike anything. I was not partial. I was just not bothered to grow any feelings of love or hate.

But things seem different. Now. There are clear borderlines. No vague territories.

I am analysing.

I am judging.

I am scrutinising.

I am different I guess.

Not many people have heads that talks back to them.

I was told yesterday that I am different than the rest.

I knew that I was different for I don’t gel with the rest.

I was told yesterday that I had potential.

I knew that it has everything to do with my passion. And nothing to do with my attitude.

 I was told yesterday that I shouldn’t change.

I knew that that statement was beyond accessible as people change.

People change like how their preferences for songs change. Their preferences for clothes change. Their preferences for hairstyles change.

Nothing is permanent.

To change, is to be different than your previous self.

To be different than other people.

To be a pioneer in revolutions and trends.

To be different.

That is a talent.

That is to be extraordinary.

To be good in something almost everyone is doing, that is nothing amazing for everyone can be better than someone.

But to be different, it takes guts. And more than just brains.

You will only be remembered for being different.

A purple dot amongst black dots is remembered as the purple dot.

Not the purple dot amongst the black dot.

The purple dot.

It’s different.

It’s remembered.

 As.

Purple.

Dot.

I have been really busy with classes and there aren’t enough hours in a day for me to accomplish certain daily goals.

Many things have happened in the couple of days. Let’s start with the road trip to Pulau Ketam with Sumi, Sarat, Anusha and Jasmine.

Road trips with friends are always awesome.

Crazy.

Pure happiness and joy.

Words cannot describe.

It was just a few nights ago that Sarat and Sumi came over to my house for a swinging session in the playground opposite my crib.

I enjoyed it a lot because it was just a sweet moment of just three good friends chatting away about the past, the present and the future.

Things we had done and how silly we had all been.

Evaluating the current prospects and certain aspirations.

We were even talking about how we will be like in 50 years time. Scary.

The two crazy girls had a brilliant idea to do a roadtrip to Pulau Ketam. And of course to enjoy some good seafood.

It was a brilliant idea indeed. Anything that involves having a good time and eating good food will certainly be a good idea. Furthermore, it is also a teaser to some people down under who claims that our lives are boring, blah and whatnot without her presence. *coughsaraleongcough*

Journey started off with Sumi picking us up in her trusty ol Ernie. That “boy” certain did a great job bringing us all the way to Port Klang at top speed.

We had some awesome time travelling there with some fun music from the oldies playing in the background. We had Jasmine, Anusha and Sara belting the songs at the back seat and me dancing with my upper body in the front seat. And on dangerous occasions, we have Sumi doing fingers dances with no hands on the steering wheel.

Well, the trip to the jetty was supposed to take just one hour but we got lost.

After asking for directions from gazillion people, we managed to get back on track to jetty.

The ferry took us to the island in just 35 minutes. I would say it was one smooth ride with crazy loud Hokkien songs playing in the background. Boy, these Hokkien people sure sing pretty emotional love songs.


Peeps in purple on a boat.

We were famished by the time we set foot on the peaceful fishing village on the island. Finding for a good seafood restaurant was not difficult at all. We were lucky enough to find one which had a proprietor speaking in English which enabled us to order in a quick manner.

The food was awesome. I realised then that I haven’t had such good seafood in a long time. We had sweet sour crabs, fried squid, vegetables cooked in spicy baby shrimps, and butter prawns. Jasmine and Sumi decided to call for a plate of steamed fish halfway through the meal and hence the last dish being steamed bawal putih with pickled cabbage.

I enjoyed the meal a lot because the food was good, we were laughing over crazy jokes mainly revolving around Anusha’s crazy antics and childhood stories and also the pure enjoyment of the company of great friends.

In case you didn’t know, Anusha is a pretty hilarious composer of songs. Her current hits are “The Richard Song” and “The Baby Shark Song”.

Anusha: I think it was Uncle Bombay who inspired me the most.

Sumi: Who is Uncle Bombay?

Anusha: The guy who sings about living in the jungles of India

Me: noooooooooo...he sang “Hurry, hurry, hurry...buy my rice and curry and his name is Dr Bombay not Uncle Bombay.

Anusha: I bet I am the only one who have his cassette.

And she goes on rambling for a good five minutes about how great Uncle Bombay is till Jasmine bursts in and say

“ So your uncle is someone famous?”

I wonder whether she listens to conversations. I thought we have made it really clear that Uncle Bombay is Dr Bombay and he is not related to Anusha in anyway.

Jasmine made us laugh in many ways.


Crazy friends from left: Jasmine, Anusha, Sara T and Sumi
 

Good food, good laugh and good friends. What more can a man ask for?

I shall say that there is nothing more awesome than having the above mentioned entities.

I really enjoyed myself a lot. I really do. For the first time after a very long time, I feel the happiness just reverberating from my soul to my heart and at last, to my mouth, casting a permanent smile of bliss.

It is just the small things like us singing the familiar songs like Britney’s “Opps I Did It Again” or Hanson’s “MMMMMbop” together that makes the day just wonderful. I just cannot describe in words.

I wish I could tell these few people that I truly appreciate their company and friendship. I guess sometimes words are not enough to describe how grateful I am to have them as friends in my life.

Aside from the roadtrip, my life so far is filled with assignments. Lots of assignments. From drawing portraits to designing patterns.

I love the art school. I love the new friends. I love how I am getting people asking me to design posters now. I hope to get more jobs soon. It is not just for the money but also for the experience. Plus, by word of mouth, more people would request more designs for me. I hope.

I am extremely inspired to work hard. However it comes with a heavy price. Sleep deprivation.

I am almost a zombie these few days.

Rushing for deadlines.

It will always be part of my life.

I just have to quit procrastinating.

Aside from school assignments, I am also helping Wan Kimm out with her photography work. I actually enjoy being shot. Photo shoots are real fun. Not just being a model, but also as a photographer.

Aside for a passion for photography, I have a new found love which is video editing. I am hoping to get a good video editing software and maybe in the future, a video camera. I am only using the video function in my semi-manual camera.

Hmmm...maybe a video camera for my 21^st?

Well, put work aside, I have more goodbyes to make. I am sad. Very.

I am going to miss many people whom will be in London as I type.

I miss London.


The retro look with a comb back. Ashwin was experimenting on me on one random night in Ifor.

 

Anyway, have to sleep. Have a photo shoot tomorrow with Kimm.
 

Peace out.

Have been sleeping for four hours on average since classes started.

I love being in an art school so far.

And I am enjoying the assignments albeit the late nights and the lack of sleep.

I am really glad there's a long weekend ahead.

I have to catch up on the reading.

And..

Get some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Peace out.

 

I would say that this year's Independence Day is one of the best Merdeka day so far.

Well, I didn't go to any Merdeka parade or watch any spectacular fireworks.

Some of you might think that what I consider wondrous as something pooh-pooh.

The day started of early with a visit to one of my favourite places on Earth, the Buddhist Maha Vihara temple in Brickfields. Brought my lil cousin, Jo Yii to receive blessings for her UPSR. Love the place because of its serenity and awe-inspiring puja sessions. I am planning to attend Dhamma talks on Fridays and Youth on Sundays.

It was a fantastic day hanging out with the family including cousins, uncle and aunts. We had a good time poking fun at my silly mum. Oh well, in case some of you don't know, I have the silliest mum ever in the whole wide world. No mums in the world can beat my absolutely absurd mother. Oh heck. I still love her nonetheless.

Had an scrumptuos lunch in Sungai Buloh. I recommend you to visit a restaurant by the name of Restoran Ah Soon located near Sierramas. They serve one of the best steamed fish I have ever tasted. I swear it is simply mind blowingly good.

The lunch was enough to make me wanna run a marathon. Or do a bunjy jump :) It was that good!!!

More laughs. More poking fun ar the silly mother and her crazy antics.

I had the best time in the evening however. Played badminton, football and basketball with sister and cousins. I have been shooting hoops these days but today was rather good. My average shot on target has increased. I have been also trying out a back hand return in badminton. Though stil weak but I am hoping to improve on it soon.

Well, I would say that this weekend has been one of the joyous weekends ever. Never laughed so much. Never felt so much love for my family.

And of course, it was pure joy and ecstasy seeing Man Utd trashing Arsenal. It was also a good laugh seeing Arsene Wenger being sent off. Pure joy really. I was just jumping around in my house. I was jubilant. It was a triumphing win people.

Also, it was absolutely lovely seeing Kimi Raikonen winning the Belgium Grand Prix. What a wonderful way to wrap up the Sunday.

I have finally bought "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Gonna read it on the plane to London and back.And also in Guildford if I have time. I recommend this book to people who fancy an intelligent read.

Well, I am leaving to London on the 2nd of Sept to say goodbye to lovely London and some friends. Now, that's a trip I am not looking forward to. However, I guess a proper goodbye is necessary.

Oh by the way, I am collecting a collection of BEST FEELINGS IN THE WORLD for my own keeping. So for starters,

#1 One of the best feelings in the world is when you really work out i.e playing hard core sports till you face turns tomato red (it happens to me) and you are sweating bucket loads. Then, when you body cools off, you take a nice long shower. The feeling then after is just....SPLENDID!!!!!

#2 Just traveling, lauging and having lotsa fun with the family :)

My first orientation day tomorrow in The One Academy. Can't wait.

 

The Mind Ping Pong has come to a halt.

Finally.

What a relief!!

However, often enough, I still hear the echoes of the beating of the bat.

The residue of memories, hopes and desires run through the head like a subtle breeze in the summer.

There’re only future days to look forward to.

I am excited.

Well some of you might have heard the news and some might have missed out on the news.

I am staying back in Malaysia.

Pursuing a long overdue decision called Animation.

I guess it might not even be a great deal to many. Or to anyone for that matter.

But it is to me.

It has been a dreadful wait for a decision to me made.

Finally I have made up my mind to follow the heart. Follow this lifelong dream.

It is about time to admit that I have defied the odds and the heart’s content.

I don’t know what else to say. I guess have nothing to comment on. I usually do but I am afraid to make the comments. I am afraid to lay out the hopes and desires for the fear of failing again.

It is not a big deal to many.

But it will always be for me. I have always wanted to make a difference. To be different. I guess I haven’t taken the conventional route. So that is the difference. But this has got to work. This has got to reap results.

What lies ahead I don’t know. But there’s only one thing that I can do. That is to pave the way to the future. To take hold of the present and build the foundations to the future.

I wish I could hold a cocktail party.

But cocktail parties have always been the best in London. I will miss London. I am already missing it badly. It has been the land where dreams have been fulfilled. A place where artistic contentment is achieved. A place where the best friends are made. A place of mind and soul liberation. A place where social maturity is reached.

I love London. The memories I have playing in my head are absolutely precious to me. The last thing I want happening to me is  getting Parkinson’s disease or Alzheimer’s. I don’t want to lose what I have been through. People might not see it but I do.

Oh well, enough of the reminiscing.

The cocktail party?

Oh yes. I want to hold a cocktail party. Isn’t it always the way to celebrate a moment?

Right now, the moment is the future. And what is for us to behold.

We need cocktail parties to wish the best of luck to it.

We need cocktail parties to gather the people we love.

And look at them from afar and treasure the smiles on each one’s faces while they chuckle over glasses of champagne or shots of tequila.

A toast to the future.

A toast to friendship.

And a toast to what lies in the infinity and beyond.

Load up the gin and tonic and gather up some Bacardi Breezes.

I guess I am in for a ride of a lifetime.

I am finally back.

And I am here to stay.




Where Goodbyes are said. But not for long.

 

Have you ever played Ping Pong?

It is also known as Table Tennis to some people.

But I am more accustomed to the name, Ping Pong.

It's funny how it's named after the sound the ball makes when it hits the table.

So the ball goes back and forth from player A to player B. And it goes back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Until, player A whom is most likely a chinese player, hits a smashing return to player B whom prolly be an Australian player and the game is won.

I have been playing a game or more of Ping Pong as well.

But a different version altogether.

A Mind Ping Pong.

Where just some particular thought goes back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

One day, I will wake up feeling that staying in Malaysia is the right thing to do. The best decision. That my family is here and there's nothing else in this world more precious than them. That despite the misunderstandings and arguments, I still love them.

Also, I feel that being here would mean I will always be at home. Never feeling like a stranger. Never feeling completely alone.

And also, staying means, doing something that I have always wanted to do. Staying means believing in this wierd dream.

Then the next day,  I will wake up feeling that going back to London is the ultimate choice. The best choice of the lot since this option comes with lots of perks. First, it will make my parents delighted. Again, I love them so much that I am willing to make certain decisions to please them. It's not a bad choice after all for I get to meet with the friends whom I consider as family. Also, I will be able to explore more of London which I haven't done. And not forgetting the endless opportunities to pick up new skills like cooking and be more independent.

And I miss the Underground.

But the next day, I will wake up with the tought that says staying is making something come true. Is paying a visit to long ago ambition.
However the stakes are higher.

But the following day after the next, I will wake up and feel that London is my true calling.

So these thought goes back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

And I am still waiting for someone to make a smashing hit.

So that the ball will stop going back and forth.

So that I will stop myself from banging my head on the wall.

So that I will finally be able to sleep well and wake up knowing what to work towards to.

Right now I am afraid to pick my pens to draw for I am afraid to keep my hopes up on the staying.
But at the same time I am also afraid to pick up my math books for I am afraid the answer will be no.

So the thought just go back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

I hate Ping Pong.

Was watching the god-knows-how-many-episode of How I Met Your Mother, oh yes don't get me started on how I love the show....

and I was laughing hysterically at a joke Ted Mosby made.

Ted to Robin, Marshall and Barney:

I thought the first Monday of August 2009 ran pretty good for me.

My former college mates and I had planned a trip to Genting Highlands to have some fun.

Hmmm...as I am typing this, I realised that I sound absolutely formal and  like a typical stranger to the world of blogging. Can this have anything to do with me not in touch with the blogging nonsense? Have I really turn into a boring adult? Wait, have I even turned into adult?

Oh pooh. Random ramblings but well shall not bother with the weird nonsensical thoughts which has increased since I now think I am a Liz Lemon (you would know her if you had spent all weekend watching 30 rock).

I realised that things have changed.  The people in my college are not the people whom I recognised anymore. Not even the strangers. I used to recognised strangers. But now the strangers in my college are more a stranger than anything else. Hmm...doesn't make sense but you know what I mean by not recognising people after a year of not stepping into a place you have been accustomed to.

So, we embarked on our very exciting journey to Genting. On a very comfy bus which thank goodness didn’t fall into a ravine.



The last time I remember breathing in some highland fresh air was back in 2003..We had our year end Junior Prefectorial (JPB) trip in Genting. I still remember some parts of the trip.

I remember learning the game FISH from Hwei on the bus trip up. I remember staying up all night chatting with Zatil and Susu and not being able to fall asleep after that. I remember how we had many many many rounds of bumper car. I remember freezing in the Snow World and trying rock climbing for the first time.

That was back in 2003. Wow, that all happened six years ago.

Well fast forward now, Genting still looks different than other places in KL. Things look more sparkly. I hope this has nothing to do with the fresh highland air.

We made our way to the ticket counter with no trouble and bought ourselves each a ticket for unlimited rides in the outdoor theme park.

Josh was too afraid to go on rides that spin. The Spinner terrified him but I thought it was pretty awesome being able to fly in the air with some centripetal force ;)


We wanted to try the Superman ride but we thought that RM12 just to get on it is pretty ridiculous. We have an unlimited outdoor ticket so we should be entitled to every ride innit?

There was a pretty long queue in front of the go-kart circuit. Go-karting has always been a rather popular ride aside from the Solero Shot. However, there was a minimum height requirement for a person to be entitled to go-kart in Genting.

The minimum height was 153cm.

I am 153cm.

Exactly 152.7cm. But if you round it up, it will be 153cm.

So we stayed in the line. Ever so patiently. For half an hour or more. Laughing at the slow drivers.

But when it came to our turn to register for rounds of go-karting, some dude pulled me aside and asked me to stand next to some cardboard box.

 “You must be kidding mister. I have been on this before. Goddammit.”

Dude shakes head.

Some man asked me to tip toe. I said no.

Josh: Apa ni. Dia boleh masuk la.

Dude still shakes head.

I didn’t want to hold up the line any longer since I was already embarrassed for not being able to drive a batty old kart which only travels at 10km/h because I was too short. Boy I wanted to throw my goddamn driving license at his pathetic face and shout “I drive real cars you idiot”.

“So how do I get out?”

“Panjat keluar la”

Stupid asshole with a pea brain had expected me to climb over the metal fence. God was he even human? Had he no brains? What an absolutely idiotic ungentleman asshole bastard he is.

I curse the day he was born.

We decided not to waste our time. I had my friends on my side. Dude was just trying to be difficult. 

We headed for lunch at Pizza Hut.

After lunch, we went for Bumper Boat ride. It works like Bumper Cars but done on water obviously. The queue was pretty long as well. Well, understandable considering the amount of fun people had bumping complete strangers.

We stood in the line for an hour or more. It wasn’t that terrible since we thoroughly enjoyed watching people bumping each other or failing to bump anyone as all they do is go round and round in circles.


Andrew rekindled with his motherly instincts by adopting a bear named Tom

It was sheer entertainment watching people’s boats stall in the middle of the water due to engine failure. We all agreed that the green boat with the number eight was the boat with the worst engine.

When it came to our turn, we noticed that we will be accompanied by more elderly people than the group before.

I had an absolutely great fun bumping people what with my agility and great boat handling skills.

I saw an old man in trouble at the end of the water. Well, can’t blame him since he was on the green boat NO.8. He was not moving at all. So, naturally I thought he had an engine failure.

I have seen them doing this for an hour before this, so I thought I can pull it off real nicely. I used my great boat handling skills to guide the old man and his boat back to shore.

It was heroic. I felt proud. I turned around to resume my bumping business.

But...

The old man had followed me as well. On his green boat NO.8.

Turns out he didn’t have any engine failure.

OH-EM-GEE

I felt so embarrassed. I save this old dude if front of the whole crowd of people when he didn’t need help at all. In actual fact, he must have used up a lot of effort to travel out to the other end and I had brought him back to the starting line.

Well, sweet. I had embarrassed myself twice in Genting.

Nonetheless, it was great fun. I enjoyed myself a lot. We had lots of laughter.

We had endless excitement at the arcade. We won lotsa tickets stubs to redeem prizes. We felt glorious. Ahh...we are simple people with just simple desires. Winning tickets stubs are one of them.

The cable ride back was hilarious. I tried to murder Andrew’s bear, Tom. Josh and Sherri were great posers. Andrew turned out to be a terrible photographer.

However, we all turned out to be winners.

We became kids for a day. We made the trip happen. We stood up for each other. We were team players.

These are true qualities of a winner.

I love August already.

I am shattered and broken beyond repair

I am jaded and sick of being here

But it’s been coming for awhile

I have been hiding in denial

Never quite have what it takes to be human

I should have turn myself around

Should have tried to stand my ground

But now it’s over and there’s nothing left for me to do but go

It’s been too long to make amends

So I just got to say goodbye my friends